Deep Breath

So day 1 went ok, spent time with the kids, ran some errands and we did a movie marathon. Its really hard to put on a fake smile for the kids. I have to show them everything is going to be ok, they have to feel safe, they have to feel stable, and I have to get my shit together. Still can’t believe we are here and you are there.  Given our last couple conversations before you left, I have this bad feeling that I cant fix things this time. Its only been a day and I already am starting to feel empty without you around……need to suck it up and deal. I  love you, and you probably do not love me, not in the same way at least…..  I will fight for you but do not strangle you. You deserve more/better from me. Also already stressing over TT coming, how on earth am I going to do this.  I am not strong like you are , I can handle all the physical pain in the world but when it comes to you…..well I am weak….Things have been getting better between us though….and there have been small signs of hope….so since hope is like fire, I need to feed it and not do something stupid and smother it….I need to just breath and let you take your first deep breaths in your new journey, which I hope will become our new journey together….. I love you….Good Night Donna.

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