Pennies from Heavan

So you got your bid list today……Athens, Frankfurt, Geneva., Milan. Then Pristina, Taipei, Cairo, New Delhi, Jeddah, Khartoum, Djibouti, Colombo, Bamako, Banjul. Wow….I hate this shit! I hate that I have failed SOOOOOOOO much that you have to choose one of these shitholes to right our ship, no wonder you don’t love me anymore….wtf do you have to show for all those years….nothing, i have nothing to give you, nothing real to offer you….i throw around the words I love you to you like they are some kind of candy that’s sweetness will make up for all the stupid shit i have done. I have left us in such a bad state I had to cash in the fucking change jar at SEB….relatively simple process, but the fact that I had to do that to get by……god i really am a useless piece of shit. Oh and of course Lydia is coming unannounced and bringing our regional boss so most of that is going to have to go to some BS dinner on Friday night that i don’t want to go to.

Have no fear though, I will make sure the kids are good….its about all I can do right. Haven’t had a decent nights sleep since you left, getting maybe 3-4 hours a night….god I miss you…….sorry tonight I just cant be positive.  I know your busy and your starting your new life and it scares the shit out of me that I wont get to be part of it….FML…I did this though and I know it.  Kids had a good meal, I am at least getting this domestic shit down….we have a decent schedule to so here is hoping I can keep it up…….need to try to get some sleep tonight.  Goodnight Donna

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