The Wind and the Lion

So been an interesting day today with all the TT drama and I have A LOT of concerns about her coming here.  I am so afraid to fail her and you again. It is great talking to you but I know our relationship and its future is so fragile right now and I know if i fail her that would likely be the absolute nail in the coffin of any chance of you ever letting me share your life with you.  Dont get me wrong, I am doing this for TT, PJ, Heemers and Anna….but I want so badly to make you proud of me again…. to make you see may the way you use to.   I want to be that for everyone now….It is just so god damn hard. I really do hate the fact that our best option for saving our family financially is for you to go to fucking Cairo, Djibouti or any of those other places.  It is just a daily reminder of how much of a piece of shit I have been…….I failed this family, plain and simple and once again you have to bail us out…trying to stay strong, it is still hard to put on a happy face when i feel so hollow inside without you….worse is I know you just do not feel the same and a good chance you won’t…..WTF will I do…………. For the record, I now completely empathize with you for all the years of you handling our budget and my idiotic spending… literally worked miracles and I had no idea….man I am so sorry babe…..there just are’nt enough words.

Fucking Cairo………..why……why is my wife who I thought all these years I was sacrificing so she would never have to see these places….why is my wife going here….oh I know….because you stupid piece of shit failed to be a good husband and father and now she has to bail your bitch ass out again….. I am sorry babe…….. I gtg even typing this out is pissing me off…… guys would have been better off if I never made it out of that hellhole. Good Night Donna


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