Another sleepless night, It just wont stop, that fucking dream AGAIN..it kills a little part of me every-time i wake from it. Is this my own personal hell, was this my punishment to see her over and over again, to relive that moment…to tear apart my pysche and have me ruin everything I loved but I am not strong like that. God I miss you. I just laid there and cried for a good hour. But I cant actually tell you all this. It hurts so bad babe, it makes me feel like I have this dark aura around me and it is so hard to snap out of it, especially when your not there. I know to you it was just me waking you up and ruining your sleep and I am sorry, you have no idea how much you just being there made things right again, I instantly know I am home when you are there…. I have to figure this out.
I also really could not tell you just how much that little bit of money saved us…..Thank you. I has been rough financially. I know you know that but I did not want you to know just how bad it was. I actually went to olerex the other night and exchanged a bunch of 20’s to get money to give Donovan because I did not want him carrying a handful of 20’s for lunch. I wanted them to have the illusion everything is ok. Sorry I could not handle the GM financial issue, they wanted money to defer the payment…a deferral charge, tried to explain to the lady…if I had money to make a deferral payment, I would have money to make the car payment….no such luck. aside from all of that the last few days have been ok.
Arwen an I finished the VAR receipts, but you know that. She is so awesome. I see all your little expressions in her, she is definitely your mini me and her smile still can snap me out of any funk. I tucked her in tonight, first time in a long time, and we did our little ritual…who’s the prettiest girl in the whole wide world……she still does it just because she knows it makes me smile even though I know she is way to old for that now. Tucked Donovan in as well… Made sure to remind them both that you love them and miss them. I love you and miss you. No matter where this ride takes us or how it turns out……I will always love you…. you are now and always will be my person! Good Night Donna!