Grande Ole Flag

The last 24 hours has been a little rough. I stayed up on Tuesday because I wanted to find out where you were going. I was hoping you would call me or message me to tell me.  I found out by randomly logging onto facebook and seeing you tagged me and I realized the world knew before me.  It hurt a little honestly but I did not want to take away from your moment.  But I also realized what right do I have to expect that from you.  Then I realized where you are going and it all hit me again that you are going there because of my failings as a husband and a father. I have been living in denial for years that my “sacrifices” should have been enough for you and the kids to love me….I wore that bullshit like armor and always used it as my defense. The truth is as I have said before….I failed you. I failed our family. Its a miracle you have stayed and put up with my bullshit as long as you have. I am sorry I was cranky about how I found out, it really was me being mad at myself…. I wanted you to want to share this with me so bad that you had to tell me….but we are not there yet…I say yet because I can’t give up hope for us.  I have so much to prove to you, so much I owe you!

This morning then started with me walking up the driveway and slipping on the ice twisting my knee and hitting the ground pretty hard. Got a nice bruise out of it and said to hell with it, left the trash can and limped to the car and went to work…. went to apeteek at lunch for some pain meds but they did not really help much.

I was glad to hear everything went well with HR and your transition went smooth. I will let Evelyn know…shit…i better tell you that for real as well…lol. But at the same time, the fact that once again you have to rescue us and buy us a better car, I am not worthy of your love….that is becoming very apparent to me….all you do is give, and all I ever did was take.

I got the Vat turned in as well, nice chunk of change, will come in handy in a couple moths for stuff for TT, Heemers and company.  I wish I could turn back the clock on so many things. But all I can do know is push forward.  Aside from all of that the day was kind of uneventful… Oh Gracie face and I made Pizza together, it was a lot of fun! She is an awesome kid….thank you, because you did that. I hope things are going well for you. I miss you. Good Night Donna!

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